User blog:GravityMan/An Old Battle: Rick Riordan vs Homer the Poet
Hey I was going through some old files of raps I wrote a few years ago since I was looking for this really killer line for a battle in Season 2 of Mythical Battles of Historical Shit. I ended up finding this battle instead. I thought I'd share it. Please don't judge. Lyrics 'Rick:' Hey there I’m Rick Riordan, hotter rhymes than a fireman, Author of a brilliant billion dollar brainchild; I ain’t a liar man! Trust me, I’m a household name, people confuse you with the Simpsons! At the top of my game, you’re ancient, forgotten through the generations! I make that money while bringing awareness to the ADHD Slash with my pen and I shred a Greek MC! Riptide! Don’t try to step to this guy! Grab yo guide! Cause you can’t see your defeat you must be blind! Ooo! Supposedly you were kidnapped but I must add, Greeks you took the only poet who couldn’t rap! Bad choice! I admit you’re gifted, had some bright ideas, But who in their right mind who waste years, Reading your works, they’re worse than Cadmus the King! Take a break from the mythos and I still spit Colder than the Springs! Oh! I rap sharper than an arrow in your heel, A god among kids you better kneel! Dude no one knows if you even exist! Why don’t you make like Disney and suck my Texas sized dick! 'Homer:' Oh muse, tell me of the day, Where a wannabe got his ass beat by the biggest legendary poet to date! I spit rhymes for a living! My name is Homer the pwner! Kill thousands in one sitting! My stories led to the Romans! Sent Aeneas over the sea swimming! You’re in the discount bin! Rick Riordan, you’re a sin upon the culture of Greece! You raped an oral tradition of religion and threw in hormonal teens! All your protagonists are godly beautiful! The only ugly ones are villains and friends! You made a character gay just to get with the trends! Of course there are some exceptions but watch me toss Leo to the lions! Orion wasn’t a giant, you’re lying, what’s this about brain babies? Annabeth shouldn’t be alive! You’re making shit up, you’re crazy! Try to whack attack me with a Blackjack, come on! I’ll bitch smack you back to Long Island Sound! Check Tres, how are your kids gonna react huh? When they see 26 F-bombs in one chapter? 'Riordan:' Hey I get kids to learn! Your stuff is boring! Nowadays a loser like you would be working as my doorman! You wrote about a cheating husband who killed his men because of his hubris, What kind of lessons are you teaching your Greeks, you won’t be missed! I must be Frank, cause I’m fly, got it? Whoa I burn fools till they’re marked with a trident! I’m a high flying braniac like I broke into Daudeleus’s labs! How’s that for some literature, you prick Toga-mon, Put some wax in your ears kids, FUCK OFF! 'Homer:' I croon like a Siren! The bitches love it! You get praised for your originality but I already done it! I’ll crush you like a blind dude in a baby blue suit! Why you gotta ruin Norse Mythology too? I’ll send all your fancy ships straight down to Tartarus! You know what you little bitch? You just got Odyssed! Poll Who Won? Homer Rick Riordan Category:Blog posts